So I trek outside to see, and there's a big fucking turtle on the other side of the fence, curled into his shell and looking about as miserable as a turtle can look. Bitemarks on his shell.
So I feel really bad and go to help him, since he's stuck in weeds and trying to get through to the neighbor's yard, which he couldn't get through the fence there to.
I lift him up, and he chooses that moment to scratch with his back legs and claws my hand. I shriek like a girl and almost drop him, but manage to catch him at the last minute. Unfortunately in the process of catching him, I manage to hit the hotwire on the fence with my chest.
I *scream* because OW NIPPLES AND ELECTRIC WIRE DO NOT GET ALONG AT ALL and this time I do drop him. Over the fence. On his back.
So not only did I shock the poor little bastard, who had already been hounded - pun not intended - by my dogs, but I dropped him over the fence on his back.
I can't get over the fence, so I go looking for a long poking device to flip him back over. He's got his head out now and is giving me this look. I know he would have eaten my eyes if he could. I finally find something and go back and he's flipped himself over and is trundling slowly away. I think he flipped me off as he left.
So. Turtle's okay at least. My nipples are not. Ow ow ow ow ow.
I'm going to go watch the Harry Potter Dancers again to console myself. Twirl, Draco, Twirl!