I don't think I'll ever recover.
Jess. Oh god, her face, and the bleak smallness of her voice when she talks about this being her only chance, and it having vanished.
Tyra! Tyra came back, and she's not really triumphant but she's moving on, and it's hard to do. And Mindy bursting into tears about the twins and Billy's blind optimism. And Tim begged her to stay. I don't even. . . back in the day I was a big Tim/Jason/Tyra shipper. I came to like Lyla, but I never saw the appeal of her over Tyra. Tyra was just so much more awesome. And Tim asked her to stay, and I don't think it was true love. I think it was FAMILIAR. They're both terrified, and they have history and know that the other one knows them, and how they fail, and like it'd be SAFE.
Call me an ego maniac, but it seemed to fit in so RIGHTLY with the Tim/Tyra section of an FNL ficlet I did for yuletide years ago, and it made my heart hurt for them. Because in TV land, the bad-girl-gone-good and the bad-boy-with-the-heart-of-gold would go on and succeed, but on Friday Night Lights, chances are they won't. For every Matt who goes to art school and Smash who soldiered through to succeed and Jason who built a career after losing his legs, there's five Billy Riggins, who can never quite stop screwing up no matter how badly he wants to.
This show is just so good at dealing a one-two punch. They give you a victory at the same moment as they cut you in half with a reality. They went to State, and they'll never play as a team again when it's done, because some of those guys, when they're pushed in with the Panthers, they'll never make the team, and they'll know that as they suit up and as they play. Tim talking to Luke and telling him to love it while it's there and then let it go. . . . *sniffles* Luke is Matt, if Matt had never wanted anything but football. He's a mid-lister who was elevated above his abilities and outshined when a real star comes along. He works hard and he'd deserve any spot he gets, but he's never going to get the one he wants. And Matt didn't want it so badly, so it didn't hurt as bad, in the long run, but for Luke it's giving up everything to learn how to settle.
And Tami and Eric. Part of me just wants him to throw up his hands and say that it's her turn, and he'll follow her, and do it without question, but that means not only giving up HIS dream, but also leaving behind these boys, and for him to do that again after walking away from the Panthers, and then coming back and then being pushed out to the Lions. And Tami - she's got a baby daughter and a chance at changing over to a life that FEATURES football instead of revolves around it, and she's paid her dues as a coaches' wife in Texas football, and I think she deserves that, and that it's Eric's turn to sacrifice for her, and for a different kind of family. But walking away for him involves more than just his own heart. And let's face it, Buddy knew where to stick the knife by promising a third ring and HISTORY, because Eric isn't immune to the desire to make his mark, not just on the boys he helps shape as players, but on the sport he loves, too. Tami doesn't nag and she doesn't throw it in his face, she just points it out, and her face says most of the rest, and Eric can't even have the conversation because he KNOWS she's right and he can't look her in the face to talk about it when he knows that, but it's not what he wants.
And maybe it's final-season-stunts to bring back Tyra and Matt (and Jason, earlier in the season. I really wish Smash had gotten more than a name check), but it also feels true because even though they've moved on, part of them still orbits this place and that time in their lives. (In Matt's case there's also obviously Julie and that storyline, and how Coach loves Matt, but what father or mother wants their daughter - who has been running off the rails all year - to marry young and with her high school boyfriend when he wants so much more for her than to watch her settle into a middle of the road life.)
I am really not a person who gets sniffly over TV/movies/books that often. But this show it just hits hard, and I was already kind of in tears over it. The finale is going to wreck me.
That all probably made zero sense.
I also watched the first episode of Sherlock, which was fun.
Things continue apace with my fics and the move stuff is moving along. (Heh.)
I have hit a snag with my Vampire Diaries big bang though, largely because I need to recheck a few things in the final few episodes, and my DVR helpfully erased those. So if anyone has access to the last say, three eps and can upload them for me, or point me to a download, I'd be grateful. (Torrenting is a no-go, I can never get it to work for some reason.) I'm trying the CW site, but usually their streaming doesn't get along with the satellite, either. So I'll see.
I really have been writing a lot, and it's sort of refreshing and perplexing at the same time. When I'm not writing though, I'm usually in bed reading doofy, fluffy gay werewolf porn ebooks.
And let me tell you, you know that experience you get in fandom where you're about halfway through a long fic and you think it's like, a slashy rom-com and then halfway through you suddenly are thrown without warning into a full on BDSM scene, or unannounced mpreg?
THIS IS NOT CONFINED TO FANFICTION. I was like WHOA. WHERE ARE MY WARNINGS?
It was jarring, and I've been in fandom for AGES. I have to wonder what someone reading who WASN'T versed in fandom would have thought. I'm thinking possibly "oh god, someone hold me." (Not that there's anything wrong with liking mpreg, but when something that unexpected jumps out at you, it is startling.)
I will probably not be seeing HP until Saturday, so have fun those who hit midnight showings. It's hard to believe we're at the last one, isn't it?
Who wants to start bets for how long it takes for them to announce a reboot of the franchise?
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